Growing up... leaving my past behind.

Hey everyone

Well ,its 1am (as I write) and I felt like spending some time, sitting here and writing. This weekend, I looked back at my life (I do this a lot) and see what changes are needed in my life. As I have stated easrlier, I am trying to get off a game that I spent 2 years playing and had dedication in.

I looked to this weekend, finding a since of emptiness. I found myself wondering at the age of 30 where my next adventures would begin. I was fortunate to see so much in my college experience, but now it’s time for me to think further on into my future as I sail this new river called “adulthood”. It’s weird, now a days, I think “investments”, “saving”, and “planning”, something in my life I never thought I would do.

This weekend, I came across an epiphany of my life. That I had realized that the drinking till 2am, the video games, the constant single life and being fancy free was costing me not find growth in my life. I didn’t see myself wishing to leave my young adult life and moving on as a man. Even though I wanted to continue to play around in this manner, I felt I was costing me a chance to become more of an adult and resisting an urge that I was holding off that God was changing in me. That change was what a lot of people go through, it’s that change in their life that they have to say goodbye to a since of who they used to be and welcome the next stage in their evolution.

I tell you this because in some ways, when your single , and my age you have families, children, and your roots are sown. You’re prepared for the next step of being settled down. While I await this sooo much, I know that right now if not the time for me, I know that that God will show me the right person and be made ready for her.

So, where am I going in this innate rambling? I guess I’m saying that I am doing this thing that scares the hell out of me, be a man, and accept the changes that I have resisted for so long. I feel that God is getting me ready for my next voyage and even though I look at the last decade of my life, regretting something’s, but savoring every moment of my young adulthood. I can now walk with God, my Lord Jesus Christ, the family I love, and the friends I have and close the door to this decade of my life.

I will leave with one thing left to say (I’ll be short). I haven’t dated for about 3 years. The woman I departed from was someone I had loved more than any woman I ever experienced. To this day, I wonder how she is and what has become of her. The only real regret that I felt, is that I never got to know is how I hurt her to the point that left a longing in my heart. As I leave my young adulthood behind, it’s the one thing that stands out. I hope that wherever she is, she is a happy and doing well. I thank God for allowing me to find a new level of love, compassion, and caring for someone like that in my life and while it doesn’t make a lot of since now, I think when I find “her”, I will love her so much more that the happiness will be on levels, that words cant describe.

Thank you all for being my apart of my heart.

Samuel