Growing up... leaving my past behind.

Hey everyone

Well ,its 1am (as I write) and I felt like spending some time, sitting here and writing. This weekend, I looked back at my life (I do this a lot) and see what changes are needed in my life. As I have stated easrlier, I am trying to get off a game that I spent 2 years playing and had dedication in.

I looked to this weekend, finding a since of emptiness. I found myself wondering at the age of 30 where my next adventures would begin. I was fortunate to see so much in my college experience, but now it’s time for me to think further on into my future as I sail this new river called “adulthood”. It’s weird, now a days, I think “investments”, “saving”, and “planning”, something in my life I never thought I would do.

This weekend, I came across an epiphany of my life. That I had realized that the drinking till 2am, the video games, the constant single life and being fancy free was costing me not find growth in my life. I didn’t see myself wishing to leave my young adult life and moving on as a man. Even though I wanted to continue to play around in this manner, I felt I was costing me a chance to become more of an adult and resisting an urge that I was holding off that God was changing in me. That change was what a lot of people go through, it’s that change in their life that they have to say goodbye to a since of who they used to be and welcome the next stage in their evolution.

I tell you this because in some ways, when your single , and my age you have families, children, and your roots are sown. You’re prepared for the next step of being settled down. While I await this sooo much, I know that right now if not the time for me, I know that that God will show me the right person and be made ready for her.

So, where am I going in this innate rambling? I guess I’m saying that I am doing this thing that scares the hell out of me, be a man, and accept the changes that I have resisted for so long. I feel that God is getting me ready for my next voyage and even though I look at the last decade of my life, regretting something’s, but savoring every moment of my young adulthood. I can now walk with God, my Lord Jesus Christ, the family I love, and the friends I have and close the door to this decade of my life.

I will leave with one thing left to say (I’ll be short). I haven’t dated for about 3 years. The woman I departed from was someone I had loved more than any woman I ever experienced. To this day, I wonder how she is and what has become of her. The only real regret that I felt, is that I never got to know is how I hurt her to the point that left a longing in my heart. As I leave my young adulthood behind, it’s the one thing that stands out. I hope that wherever she is, she is a happy and doing well. I thank God for allowing me to find a new level of love, compassion, and caring for someone like that in my life and while it doesn’t make a lot of since now, I think when I find “her”, I will love her so much more that the happiness will be on levels, that words cant describe.

Thank you all for being my apart of my heart.

Samuel

Ok, so WOW is actually a very very big addiction.....

Hey everyone

So, when we last left our super hero (Me). I was trying to kick an addiction. Well, since i have not responded to this over a period of like a month and a half, chances are that my gaming returned. For the longest time I never thought of gaming addiction to be something to look at, its just a game.. its not drugs, alcohol, cigs, or gambling... its just a video game, I was wrong.

The one thing I have learned in this experience is an online game is not just a game. I have an addiction, me.. yes I'm not perfect and I cant help but try to do the right thing.. shocker!... I'm human. I have read artcles over this and I'm not the only one having a problem:

http://www.wikihow.com/Break-a-World-of-Warcraft-Addiction
http://www.wowdetox.com/

to name 2 of them..

So.. last night I stepped up the notch fully.. I not just did an uninstall, I unsubscribed as well. It's hard letting go of something that you did for a long time. I spent countless hours running through Azeroth, Outlands, and Northrend fighting and raiding to find that I missed a good 2 yrs of my life on this game. I missed the talk of people, the smell of air, and the existence of life.


So, now what? what do i do to spend my time, I have a wonderful friend named Mere that is helping me through this. I love her so much, thank you for being there (as my friend). She's giving me ideas and advice that's helping me get over this. She was once a WOW player as well and is helping me find a great game that is called me and my persuit of happiness.

I have a Hobby Lobby that I'm going to look at that across the street from me. I thought about doing something "rehabish" to pass my time. Guys, don't laugh, but i was actually thinking of making candles. I cross my fingers on something that takes a different turn towards a recreation, but im sure its a nice steady change from things.


Right now, all i ask is for people to pray for me and be there. Like any addiction it takes time, this next month is going to be interesting. I will be in prayer and yes.. I will be answering my phone :P I hope to hear from alot of you soon.


P.S. I'll be making postings of how I am feeling during times that I need to write. So look for alot of these right now.